Thursday, January 10, 2008

Go ahead. Laugh.

Everybody else is, so you might as well, too...



I should start off this story by mentioning that everybody here has been commenting on how much taller I seem now than when I left to go to Switzerland. Finally I decided to have my mom measure me – just to see.

Well, what do you know. I grew half an inch. So now I’m a solid 6’1”.

The problem is that I haven’t yet adjusted to this extra half inch of height. And clumsiness runs in the family. Two cases in point:

A long time ago, my grandfather (on my dad’s side) took his car into the shop for repairs. He accidentally left some important papers inside, but the car was up on the pneumatic lift, so he had to climb up to get in it. He found what he was looking for and stepped out of the car… forgetting that it was still up on the lift.

Also a long time ago, when my dad was in 5th or 6th grade, he decided to ride his bike home from school one day. Not too far from school, a big, mean dog started chasing him. Dad was pedaling that bike as fast as it would go, constantly checking over his shoulder to gauge the distance between his bike and the dog. Eventually the dog slowed down and stopped, giving up. Dad kept looking over his shoulder though, still pedaling like hell and reveling in the growing distance between the dog and himself. Until… WHAM! His bike crashed into a truck, throwing him clear over the vehicle onto the asphalt on the other side. Dad got up, brushed himself off, and went to collect his bike. Which would no longer roll. So he picked it up and carried it the rest of the (long) way home. His mother greeted him at the door with, “What happened to your bike?!” No mention whatsoever of how banged up he was!

Anyway, tonight I made chicken tetrazinni for dinner. Mom wanted some, so I made up a microwave plate for her and went to take it to her. My grandmother was out smoking in the garage with the garage door up a foot for ventilation. I told her I’d see her later, hit the garage door button to make it go up, and attempted to walk out of the garage.

The problem is that extra half an inch. I misjudged how high the garage door had gotten off the ground and ran smack into it. I hit it so hard that I fell down and the plate of food went flying across the driveway. I sat there for a bit, trying to get my wits about me, then finally climbed up with the assistance of the car hood.

Meanwhile, my grandmother was sitting in the garage, laughing her behind off at me. I scooped the spaghetti up out of the driveway (we have feral cats in the neighborhood, and I did not want a yowling kitty party on our doorstep overnight), went inside, filled another plate, then managed to exit the garage successfully to drive over to my mom’s house.

When I got to her house, Mom attentively created an ice pack for me and placed it on my head. Then she burst into uncontrollable giggles. My stepdad came in, saw the state of my ice pack, and began teasing me relentlessly. I called my dad, hoping for a little more sympathy, and he laughed so hard that he couldn’t breathe.

So go ahead. Laugh. I can handle it.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

The pride goeth before the fall

For those of you who don’t know, I have never in my life had a weight problem… until last year. I was put on a medication that made me gain 45 pounds in the space of 13 months, skyrocketing me from a size 6 to a size 16.

Last month, the doctor changed me over to a new medication. All of a sudden, the weight is falling off effortlessly.

This morning I weighed myself and saw that I’d lost 7 ½ pounds in just over 3 weeks. That made me very proud.

That is, until I sat down on my bed and broke it.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Words of wisdom

From my new pajamas: “Wuv is all you need!”

From the wrapper of the chocolate caramel candy I stole from my grandmother’s stash: “Kiss someone!”

Think the universe is trying to tell me something?

Friday, January 4, 2008

From dawn to dusk

Road trip to the consulate in Houston today. We left half an hour before dawn and got back half an hour after dusk. And we scored two awesome winter skirts on clearance. It doesn't get any better than that!

Thursday, January 3, 2008

The best salmon ever

A few years ago, when my mom and stepdad had just gotten married, my stepdad decided to cook my mom a nice dinner. My mother’s favorite food is fresh wild salmon, so my stepdad went out to grill her some salmon filets. One problem: the smell of any kind of fish or seafood makes my stepdad instantly ill. So as soon as he put the salmon on the grill, he had to run to the bushes to vomit.

Well, somehow my stepdad managed to finish cooking the fish. He picked it up off the grill with a pair of tongs, put it on a plate, and dropped it. The salmon went tumbling down onto the concrete block upon which the grill is mounted… which, at the time, was covered in dog pee, leaves and dirt.

Lucy gobbled up half of the fish before my stepdad was able to get it up off the ground. After having suffered so much to make a special meal for my mom, he wasn’t about to go back in the house empty-handed. So he brushed off the leaves and dirt (let’s not think about the dog pee) and threw the salmon back on the grill for a few more minutes. Then he took it inside (this time without dropping it) and served it.

My mom ate every last bite. After the meal was over, she exclaimed, “Honey, that was the best salmon I’ve ever tasted!”

It was several months before my stepdad confessed what had happened!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Anybody need a running buddy?

I decided to take my mother's dog on my jog this evening. He's a Shih Tzu / Yorkshire Terrier mix, and he does not lack for energy! He doesn't get enough exercise, so I decided I'd better help wear him out in the afternoons. Well, he was trained to heel and walk nicely on a leash, but that all goes flying out the window when he goes outside because he has so much pent-up energy. I had to run him hard around the block twice tonight before he listened to my commands.

Hopefully all this exercise will make him a little happier (and won't kill me!)

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Happy New Year

I have had a busy little day at home. First mom and I cleaned up the house (but it already looks dirty again, thanks to the dogs), then we watched the Tournament of Roses parade. We did crosswords, made jewelry, and had a hot dog roast in the back yard. I also kept my New Year's resolution -- move more -- by going for a jog.

About those crosswords... my stepfather was helping me solve the NY Times puzzle, but we were both stuck on Reggie Jackson's nickname. Mom was cooking a pork roast in the kitchen (it turned out scrumptious, by the way), listening to us gripe about how stuck we were on this clue.

"Let me see," she said. "My dad was a baseball fan. I should be able to figure it out."

Well, she couldn't think of it, so she went on cooking while we muddled through the crossword. After a few minutes she disappeared, and I thought she was in the bathroom. Then she came back into the kitchen and kept cooking.

My stepfather and I moved on to a different clue for awhile, but then we came back to Reggie Jackson. After a few more minutes of pulling our hair out, Mom exclaimed, "I've got it!"

"His nickname's Mr. October!" she said, making swinging motions with her arms as though she had a baseball bat.

My stepfather and I were moderately impressed, considering that she hadn't been any help with any of the previous clues. "How did you know that?" he demanded.

"I told you, my dad always used to watch baseball. He always played well during the World Series, which is always in October."

So we went back to solving the crossword puzzle.

Awhile later, Mom said, "I have a confession to make."

"Yes?" I asked.

"Do you know how I knew about Mr. October? (pause for dramatic effect) I went and looked it up on the Internet while y'all weren't watching, and then I waited until the right moment to tell you about it!"

Well, I'll be. My mother managed to pull one over on me. Good job, Mom.